i just wont have a future anymore x.charr.x [ | poison ] [ | myself ]

[06 Jul 2003|01:52pm] oh yah, the new journal is ultrarobotlove ;D hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[05 Jul 2003|11:37pm] [ im hearin im feelin | haligh haligh a lie haligh by bright eyes ] my journal has mooved.. if you are on my friends list, i will add you but its your part to add me back... good bye journallll!! fucking glow in the dark

[05 Jul 2003|01:31pm] [ im hearin im feelin | sick ] [ im hearin im feelin | false advertising ] gah..i was awake from like 8 to like 830 or sumthin like that..and then i went back to sleep and woke up at around 1 30...oh yah im good..and im still tired! ha ive like never sleeped that much...slept i mean..gah im dumb hehe. ah i just zoned out for a few minutes...weird o0o fucking glow in the dark

[05 Jul 2003|08:09am] [ im hearin im feelin | sick ] [ im hearin im feelin | the lesbian song by cthulu penguin ] I FIXED MY AIM!! I DONT WANT TO DIE ANYMORE!!!!!! anyway.. yesterday i got to see dreww!! i was sooo happy but i think i got him sick since im all sick n such. well dreww prepare for a few days of intense pain! heehee! im all giddy right now so i think im gonna go eat some pop tarts..yay! hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[02 Jul 2003|09:39pm] [ im hearin im feelin | angry ] [ im hearin im feelin | nothing you shit fuck ] i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. i hate my life. aim got all screwed up. i can no longer use it. i hate my life. i hate it so much. i feel like suicide...oh god i just want to die. this may sound weird but u ppl dont know how much aim meens to me..im crying. im so gay. i hate you all. die. hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[02 Jul 2003|05:40pm] [ im hearin im feelin | loved ] [ im hearin im feelin | A line allows progress, a circle does not by bright eyes ] me:butbutbut im bored i gotta go downstairs n go on the computerrrr!! ricky: no! stay up here! me:MY COMPUTERRRR!!!!! ricky:charrlotte no stay up here!!! me: *whimper* ricky:charr..this is an intervention. who knew it could happen to me. i mean...first it started with just a little bit.. an hour or so a day on the computer..no biggie.. but then it was a couple hours..and then it was wake up at like 7am get on the computer and stay on till midnight.. but i would leave for like an hour aday.. but then it got to making online journals and taknig online quizes liek a maniac. and it turns into being obsessed. i always looked at all these peoples dead journal layouts and thought..who the hell wants to spend all their goddam time changing their layouts constintly and learning html! but then first it started with a lil color change in my journal..then a lil alternations..then changing the comments link..and then it turns to changing it completely and utterly, and changing it every hour to something "better" and still learning! skipping holiday parties to be on the computer. making menny online friends and learning html. kn0w1ng 50m3 53r10u5ly @nn0y1ng y37 FUN w@y5 2 7yp3!!1 (li3k 0mfg r0x0r!!!1) skipping meals to be online. my name is charrlotte, and im a computer-holic. XZ i have a problem. thats the first step...admiting. lol okay i was really bored..really i dont have a problem..i dont! i dont! *looks pancy* uhm go away grr! yah anyway, waiting for dreww to come backkkkk i miss himmmmmm.. my throat hurts SO bad.. ugh if it stays liek this i wont be able to make out, and now that would just be fucking tragic! i need some tongue in my mouth!!!1 that sounds so wrong..im just gonna stop talking now....yah... okay i think i'll go...im such a freak lol **charr** fucking glow in the dark

[02 Jul 2003|09:32am] [ im hearin im feelin | amused ] [ im hearin im feelin | something vague by bright eyes ] ( bright eyes quiz ) fucking glow in the dark

[01 Jul 2003|10:09pm] tha willow: it hurts when i think tha willow: literaly tha willow: i cnatt think that hard when did you anyway kelly ;) fucking glow in the dark

[30 Jun 2003|07:41pm] [ im hearin im feelin | bored ] [ im hearin im feelin | death cab for cutie ] eh.. i just counted all my scars.. 167 along my body. wow. thats...alot. eh.. i was talkin to dreww today and he fell asleep, it was so cute, and i could here him softly breathing... and yah.. i want to see him friday and its a probably! whee! its so hot in here..so take off all your clothes? meh nooo lol im soooo bored. i took the last of my finals today. bah. i guessed for all of reading. it was soo long so i didnt feel like doing it lol... anyway hehe. BORED. ultra uber rad. hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[30 Jun 2003|01:45pm] [ im hearin im feelin | accomplished ] [ im hearin im feelin | touch by bright eyes ] heres some long ass survey that took me over an hour.. ( long ass survey ) hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[30 Jun 2003|01:19pm] [ im hearin im feelin | depressed ] [ im hearin im feelin | for what reasons by death cab for cutie... ] im all..depressed or whatever...i dunno.. the only thing really keeping me from doing drastic things is talking to dreww right now.. i love you so much..forever means forever and i mean it... he's all depressed too..i wish he wasnt.. i wish i could do something.. but i really dunno.. i want to make him happy.. i love you dreww..i love you so much... more than you will ever know.. fucking glow in the dark

[29 Jun 2003|10:51am] [ im hearin im feelin | ecstatic ] [ im hearin im feelin | island in the sun by weezer ] ooooomg yesterday was so rad! dreww, kelly, mike, alex, and james came over and it was sooooo cool! i love dreww soooo incredibly much!! he got smacked a few times cuz we were makin out lol it was funny hehe! he metted my parentsents...and yah they all like him! that is like awesome. i did mikes hair all cool and he looked like conor oberst!! kelly had spented the night n stuff. we played cards and monopoly for shoooo long so im all tired n stuff. hmm..i love you dreww! rar! mine! fucking glow in the dark

[28 Jun 2003|07:50am] [ im hearin im feelin | okay ] [ im hearin im feelin | nuffing ] thanks to laki86 ita awwwesome! by the way..kelly is here...yes. sleep is much needed right now for i am tired.....ahhhhhhhhh.. yawns suck.. i want dreww now but yah... i can here the springs in my keyboard...ah..gay..retarded...yes...bored...goodbye you losers.. hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[27 Jun 2003|03:03pm] [ im hearin im feelin | cold ] [ im hearin im feelin | my air conditioner ] 1. What's your name: Charrlotte 2. What do you wish your name was, instead: Darcy 3. How are you: uh..fine 4. Would you ever eat sushi? ew no 5. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body? well thats awkward 6. Have you considered homosexuality? no 7. What's your sexual preference? bi 8. What were you in a past life? dead 9. I punch you. Quick, what do you do? kick you in the shin! 10. When confronted with Britney Spears, you...? flash her 11. What's your favorite coffee? french vanilla 12. What's your political perspective? your mom 13. Are you my Angel? sure kid watever you say 14. Do you consider yourself a poet? surely 15. What do you wanna be when you grow up? a hamster 16. There's a naked man in your living room. What do you do? haha i know who that is, so id bang him 17. How stupid do you think you are? aw i isnt not stoopid 18. How stupid do other people think you are? haha very 19. Who the hell do you think you are? GOD! BOW DOWN TO ME! 20. Is the Wonderbra good or bad? i dont have one so i dont know 21. If you could levitate, who would you scare first? myself, i mean that would be a lil creepy 22. What's your favorite fruit? dreww 23. Can you feel the love tonight? yes and its in my pants 24. On a nude beach, you would be? frolicking 25. Make up a story with yourself: there once was this girl she did things that happened then it all ended liek this. THE END 26. What do you think about contemporary art? i think it... well i dont know 27. Do you like being naked? only when im nude 28. If we had proof God didn't exist, what would happen? we dont have proof? 29. Do you enjoy cheeze whiz? all over my sexy body 30. What's your position on virginity? i raped it 31. On civil unions: ill give you a union 32. On RuPaul: durp? 33. On mosquito bites: they uh itch 34. On bad sitcoms: thats being repetitive 35. On Fran Drescher: who thehell are these people 36. Are you left handed or right handed? left 37. Are you smart? :( 38. What's your middle name? Dylana (dont make fun of me you bastards) 39. How many personalities do you have? which one are you talking to 40. How many piercings do you have?5 indivisually 41. What was your first word? daddy i think 42. Are you superstitious? no 43. Do you read your horoscope? yes 44. Do you believe in that stuff? only if its good 45. Can you do a cartwheel? no:( 46. Do you have contact lenses? no 47. Do you have a retainer or braces? im getting both at the end of the summer 48. Can you drive? not yet 49. Do you snore? no, thank god 50. Do you drool in your sleep? i drool wen im awake too 51. Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge? lick away 52. Do you keep a journal? millions 54. Do you like cotton candy? sumtimes 55. What instruments can you play? i wish guitar, im learning tho no 57. Do you like to sing? sumtimes 58. Are you any good at it? i dont think so 59. Do you like to talk on the phone? only with dreww 60. Do you like where you live? i wish it was closer to dreww:( 61. Are you organized? no 62. Do you sleep with socks on? nope cant stand it 63. Are you shy? sometimes 64. Do you talk to yourself? yes. hey i wanted to answer. fuck you im gonna kill you bitch! 65. Are you a morning person? hell no 66. Are you a virgin? only on tuesdays and saturdays hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[26 Jun 2003|07:11pm] Happy Deathday! Your name: bloodyanguish You will die on: Monday, May 23, 2011 You will die of: Smote by God Username: Created by Quill id be 21...and god does not exist.. hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

thingus. [26 Jun 2003|06:51pm] [ im hearin im feelin | blah.. ] [ im hearin im feelin | nothing ] here's a survey i filled out for those of you who actually care: If I were a day of the week, I'd be: friday. where the weekend feels like forever. If I were a time of day, I'd be: 2 am...for reasons.. If I were a planet, I'd be: pluto If I were a sea animal, I'd be: dead If I were a direction, I'd be: west If I were a piece of furniture, I'd be: a bed If I were a sin, I'd be: lieing If I were a historical figure, I'd be: jack the ripper If I were a liquid, I'd be: spit If I were a tree, I'd be: falling over on you If I were a bird, I'd be: an albatross If I were a tool, I'd be: i am a tool If I were a flower/plant, I'd be: poppy seeds.. If I were a kind of weather, I'd be: misty cool day.. at 8 pm in the fall in october.. If I were a mythical creature, I'd be: a dragon If I were a musical instrument, I'd be: a guitar If I were an animal, I'd be: i am an animal, rar baby ;) If I were a color, I'd be: gray, blue, or red If I were an emotion, I'd be: melancholy If I were a vegetable, I'd be: eggplant? If I were a sound, I'd be: your mom If I were an element, I'd be: uh sex If I were a car, I'd be: a cadillac If I were a song, I'd be: anything by conor oberst If I were a movie, I'd be: go or girl interrupted If I were a book, I'd be: the outsiders If I were a food, I'd be: fasting If I were a place, I'd be: with you If I were a material, I'd be: cotton If I were a taste, I'd be: your tongue in my mouth If I were a scent, I'd be: suave naturals jjuicy green apple shampoo If I were a religion, I'd be: atheist If I were a word, I'd be: euphoria If I were an object, I'd be: pills you can choke on If I were a body part, I'd be: tongue If I were a facial expression, I'd be: in love If I were a subject in school, I'd be: english If I were a shape, I'd be a: line If I were a number, I'd be: 16 fucking glow in the dark

[26 Jun 2003|06:40pm] [ im hearin im feelin | high ] [ im hearin im feelin | albatross by straight no chaser ] [take the test] - [by krystaljungle.com] whee... fucking glow in the dark

.oh my god. [26 Jun 2003|11:33am] [ im hearin im feelin | confused ] [ im hearin im feelin | you will. you? will. you? will. you? will. by bright eyes ] WTF IS WRONG WITH ME. everything i thought i love.. everything i once was...is pretty much gone. i am no longer who i used to be.. i have changed so much to the point that i can not change back. i mean, somewhere from getting kicked out of school and coming back from horsham, i changed. im happy. im less irritable. im not cutting. im not depressed. everything else, i have left behind. including my old self, and various people.i stopped some negativity...except lance. but..i want to sometimes... 8 months of tru pure painful love... thinking of marriage..gone. and im already half way to moving on. im having a nice healthy relationship with somebody else, and i love him. this hurts so incredibly much.. how can i do this? he will probably kill himself. (though my magic 8 ball says otherwise..) i was his reason to loce. and i dont quite love him so much. less than two weeks ago i still was at a high point in loving him...but now look. im ready to just throw it all away. but so much of me is so attached to the compassion and the need for him. so used to always depending on him, and being needed by him. i dont want to let go, but i know i have to. i am not who i was, and some people hate this change.. im just not the same and i know it. some of me wants to go back but i know it would be a horrible desicion because with the old me that everyone knows and love, comes cutting depression and anger. i was so utterly in love with him. to an extremely unhealthy extent. how could i do this? will i regret it? how i feel about lance right now is almost exactly like this song by bright eyes, called You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. except change male stuff to female stuff and female stuff to male stuff. (its written by a guy) Well, you say that I treat you like a book on a shelf I don't take you out that often 'Cause I know that I completed you And that's why you are here That's the reason you stay here How awful that must feel You said you'd be my dream I could have you every night And if by morning I'd forgotten you Well, no big deal, that'd be all right 'Cause you're the re-occuring kind You are the re-occuring kind You never really leave my mind Are you the love of my lifetime 'Cause there's been times I've had my doubts We were just kids when I first kissed you In the attic of my parents' house And I wish we were there now I took so long to figure out What this book has been about Now I write when I'm away Letters that you'll never read You said go explore those other women The geography of their bodies But there's just one map you'll need You're a boomerang you'll see You will return to me You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. You will. You? Will. You? Will. You? Will. you will... Because if you don't then this book's all lies If you don't then my plans would all be ruined If you don't, I'll start drinking like the way I drank before And I just won't have a future anymore.. except i dont know if i want him back... we were supposed to be together forever. i just cant belive im being so heartless.... could maybe we be..just friends? would it be too awkward..? some of me wants to just change my sn and then have him change his sn and then never have anyone tell each other the others sn, so we would just discontinue all communication altogther. but..thats so sick and cold and heartless.. i mean this guy was the most important thing to me for over 8 months. he was my life, i felt like i belonged to him.. and again, im so attached.. and now that i think of all this i feel all sick and anxiety-iss and overwhelmed... and it makes me want to go and chase a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka and just sit there and let it all go and just forget and die without any more worries.... sometimes i wish i nevermet lance, but then again alot of me still loves him because ive always loved him and ive learned so much from him and ive gained so much and... i just dont know anything right now.. this is the most important desicion in the world right now.. this is all so scary, i mean leaving lance behind would be the final step to my change of self..and im not ready im just not ready to be without him, yet again i am.. i dont know after he reads this he can decide for himself because i know he still loves me and so much of me wishes he didnt anymore..why cant he hate me, it would make everything so easy... maybe.. whatever i just dont know anymore....... hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[25 Jun 2003|03:36pm] [ im hearin im feelin | intarded ] [ im hearin im feelin | the soft humming of my comp-u-tater ] Conor Oberst from Bright Eyes *Who is the perfect Emo Singer boyfriend for You?* brought to you by Quizilla hell yes, and i didnt even cheat! hang like a star .x. fucking glow in the dark

[23 Jun 2003|10:15pm] YOU EAT PEOPLE!!! what's YOUR deepest secret? brought to you by Quizilla its true...lol fucking glow in the dark

out the front door [ go find yourself .x. most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]